From: ian potter 
Newsgroups: uk.misc
Subject: Re: pants
Date:

On Mon, 5 Feb 2001 11:20:07 +0000, vic.b@appleonline.net (Victoria) wrote:

Pants comprise three subpant elements; gussetrons, waistbandons, and bumholderons. Pant decay occurs chiefly through the expulsion of gussetrons, which result in the breakage of gusset bonds and failure of the material. Secondary decay occurs through loss of gluons from between the waistbandons and self-anhilation between bumholderons and antibumholderons. Men's pants are generally very stable with half lives up to several years before they decompose to little more than free gussetrons, waistbandons and bumholderons. Owing the radiation involved, it's generally recommended that decaying pants are sealed in a lead box after one or two half lives. Exposure to near totally decayed pants can be unpleasant.

Pants, of course, can occupy different energy levels. High energy pants, where forces between the bumholderons are at their maximum (see String Theory, p254) are known as G-Strings or Thongs. Low energy pants, where forces between gussetrons, waistbandons and bumholderons are at their weakest are called Granny Pants. Granny Pants are partial to rapid expansion in volume as the weak bonds become unattractive. Even a relatively new pair of granny pants can rapidly expand to the size of a football field and they generally lack the mass to prevent their eventual infinite expansion. The high energies involved in Thongs can cause an energy--matter conversion, which results in the bumholderons disappearing into a black hole. This can be uncomfortable but has the benefit of preventing the conversion of waistbandons into visible photons. Whilst intermediate energy pants have been theoretically predicted, there is little physical evidence that they exist in nature.